Weather report: Humid

I am not making this up. A news item a couple of days ago reported that the government Meteorology Office predicted that the weather would be “humid” for the next two weeks.

Are they kidding? There has not been one day here that I would not describe as humid. Reading this news report reminded me of a weather report I think I remember from Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update : “The weather  for tonight is predicted to be dark, with continued dark until the early morning hours.”

The air is so humid in Sri Lanka. How humid is it, Tim?

  • It is so humid here that  according to official government statistics, every year an average of 51.5 drunks drown because they couldn’t tell they had  inadvertently staggered into the Indian Ocean until they were 100 feet underwater.
  • It is so humid here that  Sri Lanka has the world’s only coastline that is not fractal.
  • It is so humid here that scales have to be corrected for buoyancy.
  • It is so humid here that many plant species do not need roots. (True.)
  • It is so humid here that in a recent sports scandal, track and field athletes were caught using performance enhancing flippers.
  • It is so humid here that a confused water monitor was spotted 100 feet above the level of Kandy Lake. (True.)

Readers  who live in or who have visited Sri Lanka are encouraged to add more examples in the comments.




  1. Kris said,

    May 17, 2009 at 10:01 am

    Specially treated salt is needed if you want to “sprinkle” it; otherwise it is brine.
    Cool hard surfaces create puddles of water and accumulate water on their sides.
    “Dryness” is an unknown experience for skin, scalp, face, hair, toes…
    Paper is soft, not crisp, unless stored in air conditioned spaces.
    “Crisp” is a condition only known to freshly opened bags of crackers.

  2. SHANNON said,

    May 18, 2009 at 4:06 am

    Don’t breathe too deeply-pneumonia could result.

    The Amazon Basin is the same way. I hung an undergarment on my balcony and at the end of the week it was even wetter than before. The main benefit is your skin looks younger without applying special creams.

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